Friday, July 18, 2008

You Wanna Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Sandals

In all my years of living I have never understood what makes perfectly straight males over the age of 12 wear sandals. And while men wearing sandals is enough of an abomination, men wearing flip flops need to be deported or sterilized. Indeed, even some women shouldn't wear flip flops. You know the ones...those heavy-set lasses who talk to themselves and wander around drug mart or wal-mart at all hours of the day, dragging their little yard ape kids around after them...the incessant clacking of their flops slapping the tiled floor drawing attention to to their pock marked legs featuring three days growth of hair.

But I digress...

Sandals are a fashion faux pas for dudes. The vast majority of guys you see wearing them are morons like this:

Or fellows who by wearing sandals look as though they are preparing for the gay pride parade. That is to say, guys like this:

What's worse, the rampant level of gay within places of higher education is incredible when you consider that dumbass frat boys seem to think that sandals AND flip flops make them look cool. Consider this primitive frat boy ritual and how the addition of sandals in the image turns the 'mo factor up to "fabulous".

But still worse than the sandal is the flip flop. The toe-thong nightmare that are flip flops haunt me in public at all hours in a variety of places, most notably in cafes, classrooms, and places like BW-3's. No one needs to see that. Truth is I wonder if these assholes got lost on their way out of their bathrooms and wandered into public places by mistake. Flip flops are bathroom wear, beach wear, or fetish wear. Unless you are, say exiting the shower, at a locale consisting primarily of beach and surf, or some secret gathering wear you enjoy having your testicles hooked up to a car battery, flip flops have no place in modern society.

Seriously peeps, flip flops are a sign of incredible depravity in much the same way as crocs. Douchebags who wear flip flops are either incredibly disgusting, such as:

Or a complete bone smuggler, such as:

So heed my advice Ranger faithful. Spend that money on some Starbury's or boat shoes or something. Together, we can make a difference.


Lester Suppes said...

I think you have a secret fetish for a nice pair of hush puppy sandals, say size 12?

Btw, it was 105 yesterday here. See how long your feet last in those leather shoes.

Old said...

Lush Man concurs with the wise Megaton Maynard.

The only reason for a man to wear sandals is if he is appearing in a movie or television show depicting ancient Rome.

William said...

LMFAO. Could we please add wife-beaters on 400 pound truck drivers to this list of what men shouldn't wear?


Ann T Quittys thoughts said...

I totally agree with Corky! Wife beaters on any man is bad. Even more so when the pants hang down around their knees.

Rebecca said...

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

Daniel said...

I believe men of past centuries were afraid of wearing sandals/flip flops. We are now in the 21st century, and I have worn flip flops for nearly 50 years, yes,to school and work too!