Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Who Needs Drugs When You Have These Guys

And the Arrests Just Keep on Coming

Busted: Mickey Mouse lands in Sacramento County jail
By Stan Oklobdzija -

Last Updated 11:18 am PST Wednesday, January 30, 2008

America's favorite cartoon mouse has joined Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan in the pantheon of celebrity DUI arrests, Sacramento County Sheriff's Department arrest records show.

On Jan. 24 within the span of an hour, the Sacramento County Sheriff's Department arrested Mickey Mouse twice on charges of driving under the influence and once for driving on a revoked license, according to records.

Sheriff's Department spokesman Sgt. Tim Curran was surprised to hear of the arrest.

"I don't know how that got in there," he said. "When trainees learn to use our system, they put that (name) in. ... It's one of the names we can use without getting in trouble."

In the arrest log, Mouse is described as a 47-year-old African American man standing 5-feet, 9-inches and weighing 190 pounds.

Mickey Mouse is also listed a resident of Anaheim and is employed as a bartender, according to arrest records.

Jail records indicate Mouse also goes by the aliases "Buzz Lightyear" and "Donnie Duck" and was arrested on felony drunk driving charges in 2005.

On April 1st, the Force will be Unleashed




Like Looking In a Mirror

Sadly the above picture very nearly captures the essence of the Squid and Maynard friendship through high school and into college. I would be Butt-head (the braces and the big nose and the poofy hair were all me circa 1986). Squid is Beavis, and the cigarette, pissy look and moments of confusion and random violence were all he circa 1986 (though squid was slightly smarter than Beavis to be fair).

The similarities insofar as Squid relates to Beavis were amazing. And while Squid did not do things as potentially stupid or as life-threatening...there are still strong resemblances.

Consider the following video and read the "liner notes" below for a list of Squid/Beavis parallels (heretofore called SB's):

SB 1 @0:28: Squid was a fascinating creature for kids and animals. This was especially true of toddlers who literally crawled all over him like a jungle gym. And in truth, Squid did speak ther language.

SB2 @1:05: I freely admit I embarrassed my fair share of classmates by poking fun at their appearance deficits (she has no ass, etc). But Squid could be downright ruthless, especially to the 6 to 10 crowd. Just as Beavis destroys Stewart's reputation, Squid likely did the same on at least two occassions of memorable note. One was when he told some young kid to stop playing around the enormous bags of dogfood, for if he didn't the bags would fall and crush the kid and then Squid would get all his x-mas presents. The second was his short but vigorous argument with an 8 year old who loved the ninja turtles. Squid, like a true sophist, informed this poor kid that turtles exposed to toxic waste die rather than turn into mutants. Classic!

SB3 @1:35: Some oif Squid's best moments involved standing up...sometimes twice in a row.

SB4 @2:10: That is definitely how I fix toilets and while squid never hit me with a shovel he did try to satb me with a samurai sword one night.

SB5 @ 3:00: Squid was easily distracted by moving power meters but never had trouble throwing up...ever.

SB6 @ 4:00: Money and chicks, and beer and cigarettes were always on our list of wants and needs as they were so hard to come by...especially chicks.

SB7 @ 4:30: Squid's reaction could be impaired and sadly, his cranium did take a lot of abuse from blunt force trauma (such as headbutting lcokers and getting bonked by grocery totes).

SB8 @ 5:40: Squid always wore shades.

SB9 @ 6:00: The best part of homework was not doing it...yet somehow squid graduated high school early.

SB10 @ 6:30: While we rarely played ding dong ditch, urinating on a front porch was not beyond our sense of good etiquette.

SB11@ 7:50: Squid, while at times a model employee as a bag boy, did, on several occasions, find himself under interrogation by The Man, answering such questions as, "Do you know who threw that snowball off the store roof at customers?" Or, "Who left all those beer bottles in the parking lot last night?".

SB12 @ 10:00: Squid was spot on making fun of our principal...and virtually all figures of authority in our school.

Hot Star Trek Love...Or So It Would Appear (sfw)

Monday, January 28, 2008

Got His Eyes on You

Dust to Dust

This is some cool video of a German colonial town in the desert of Namibia. Back in 1908 the place boomed due to the diamond rush but fizzled out by 1938. By the mid 1950's the town was abandoned and is now being reclaimed by the desert.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Megatron Arrested for Drugs

Megatron admits importing drugs

NZPA | Friday, 25 January 2008

Related Links

An unemployed man of no fixed abode pleaded guilty in Wellington District Court today to importing LSD and Ecstasy.

Judge Denys Barry remanded Megatron Eardley-Wilmot in custody for sentencing in the High Court on February 22.

The offences were committed between 2003 and 2005.

Maynard Says: Wow! So in the past year Landocalrissan, God Supreme, and Megatron have all run afoul of the law. I love it when geek parents name their kids after action figures...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Rest in Peace Clown Prince: Heath Ledger -- 1979 to 2008

Man this sucks. I first saw Ledger in The Patriot. Jen absolutely L_O_V_E_D him in A Knight's Tale (which due to her lust for the man means I have seen that movie like 50 times). Over the years we have seen him in a few other movies and he seemed to take on both unconventional and daring roles that may not have lit the box office on fire, but he never put in a bad performance. While Broke Back Mountain may have been his critical role, I really think that his turn as the Joker might really have put him on the map as a mainstream star, much like Brandon Lee might have been following The Crow.

By all accounts he was a genuinely nice man both on and off the set and his dedication to his craft really made him a little special in Hollywood at this time. Here we deal with the loss of a father and role-model (one of the few postives out there) and I for one shall mourn his passing.

First Brandon Lee and then Heath Ledger. But we still somehow have Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

I Hate It When This Happens

Cute Baby Overload

Cute Overload

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Wish to Eat Myself and You Shall All Bear Witness

Seriously? A wedding cake of yourself? Is it vanity or do you have some deeply repressed need to literally cannibalize yourself? Skippy would throw that cake over a table, spank it, then hit it like the fist of an angry god. I'm not sure which act is more depraved myself.

Hot Off The Presses....Star Trek Teaser

So Come On Fatso, Just Bust-a-Move...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

For My Hetero-Life Mate Andrew and his Lotusphere Cultists

Fascinating, As Spock Would Say

So the USA Today has revealed today that women's bisexuality is not so much a phase, but a part of their gender identity.

From the article:
Bisexuality among women isn't just a phase, according to new research that followed 79 non-heterosexual women for a decade and found that bisexual women continue to be attracted to both sexes over time.

Being bisexual is a distinct orientation, not a temporary stage, says the study by Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah. It is being published next week in the January issue of Developmental Psychology, a journal of the American Psychological Association.

Diamond conducted face-to-face interviews around New York state in 1995, when the women (who identified themselves as lesbian, bisexual or unlabeled, but not heterosexual) were ages 18-25. She then spoke with them by phone every two years.

"These findings are therefore more consistent with the model of bisexuality as a stable identity than a transitional stage," the study says.

Diamond suggests that most women "possess the capacity to experience sexual desires for both sexes, under the right circumstances."

Megaton Maynard says:

From the article:

New attention has focused on young women today and their interest in experimenting with their own sexual identity, which Rust says is because the young are more open about sexuality and are more tolerant.

"I think young women are feeling a little bit freer," Rust says. "If they have anything other than purely heterosexual feelings, they are more free to think about it … and question their identity."

Diamond says heterosexual women may "experiment with same-sex desires and behaviors, but if they really are predominantly heterosexual, they may enjoy experimentation but may not change their sexuality."

The study also debunks the stereotype that bisexual women aren't able to commit to monogamous relationships because they're always thinking about desire for the other gender.

Spock approves:

The full article can be found HERE

Happy Birthday Susanna Hoffs

Part time Egyptian Walker and full time spank-bank hottie Susanna Hoffs turns 48 today. So, for my peeps Squid, Coach, Quatto and Sponge, I provide you the above pic of Ms. Hoffs in all her 80's glory.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

So Who Wants to Bet...

That John Connor loses his virginity to a terminator.

Let's look at the facts. John Connor Future (heretofore called JCF) sends an attractive high-school aged terminator back to John Connor Past (JCP). JCF knows everything about JCP's past as he has already lived it. JCF knows that JCP is likely a smoldering volcano of hormones stuck at home and on the run his whole time for love, Dr. Jones. Knowing this, there can be only one reason that JCF would send a veritable cybernectic piece of ass to the that JCP can get his mack on, lose the virginity, and pursue his career as revolutionary leader without the pressure of his hormones distracting him. If JCF did not intend to have JCP love up his robot, then JCF would more likely have sent a terminator back who was either male to befriend JCP, or a female terminator who looks like your high school lunch lady and hence is NEVER the object of a teen boy's sex fantasy. To top it all off, watch the interplay between JCP and Cameron the terminator. Watch how she touches his neck, gazes at him, and interacts with him. Is that typical terminator behavior? Add into this that the terminator sent to kill them in 2007 registered Cameron as an "unknown cyborg". Might this be due to the fact that, like good old Mr. Data, Cameron is a "fully-functional" cyborg?

Your Hero is Busy...



Monday, January 14, 2008

And a MIllion Bottle of Hand Lotion Were Suddenly Retired

Well, porn superstarlet and self-confessed Megaton Maynard groupie Jenna Jameson has officially announced her retirement from the adult entertainment industry. On her blog she posted a simple statement which read along these lines:

"Honesty is key. I will never ever ever spread my legs for this industry again (or something to that effect)"


Of course it may also have something to do with the fact that Jenna Jameson went from looking like this:

To looking like this:

You hero much preferred the former look as she did not resemble skeletor so much. So let's applaud the sad ending to once stellar career of posing naked and asking for money. The sad end to a whirlwind tour of nudie bars and porn conventions from Boston to LA. let's not think of what plastic surgery has to done to a woman who has received more piledrivers than a professional wrestler. Let's try to forget what is:

And let's fondly remember what was...


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Deathly Hallows to be Two Films?

It's Harry Potter and a film of two halves: the final movie will be released in two parts

By JAMES TAPPER - More by this author » Last updated at 23:24pm on 12th January 2008

Harry Potter fans are set to get a double treat in the film of the final story – and movie makers are set to double their money.

Crew working on the sixth Potter film, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, have been told J.K. Rowling's seventh novel, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, will be released in two halves.

For film-makers Warner Bros, whose first five Potter films have made £2.5billion in box office receipts – more than any other movie series – it could mean a £500million bonus in ticket sales.

But sources insist the reason behind the two-movie plan is artistic rather than financial.

Scroll down for more

harry potter

Double feature: Daniel Radcliffe with Alan 'Mad Eye Moody' Gleeson

The books got progressively longer – the first, the Philosopher's Stone, had 223 pages while Deathly Hallows has 776 – and fans have complained chunks of later novels have been left out of films.

A film source said: "There's so much to fit that the view is the last movie should be in two halves. There is a huge battle when Harry, played by Daniel Radcliffe, takes on Voldemort that needs to be done really well."

And Ms Rowling points out on her website: "It is simply impossible to incorporate every storyline into a film under four hours long."

At Warner Bros, who are rumoured to be thinking of Oscars and a big-name director such as Steven Spielberg for the final film, a spokesman said:

"People are discussing all possibilities.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Silent Library

Ok, this is yet another odd Japanese game show. The premise is that six guys go to a public library and play a game where the loser of each round suffers some humiliation or other "treatment". And, in true Japanese form, the clip ends with the guys singing karaoke.

Check it out.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

As Inspired By Trixie...

So I was reading through Trixie's House o' Blog and read through her list of songs that need never be played again. And while I agreed with most of the songs, I couldn't help but wonder what my list of songs never to be played again would be. And the more I thought about it, the more trouble I had just narrowing it down to songs rather than bands or artists. Therefore, without much further ado, here is my list of 10 Bands or Artists that should shrivel up, die, and never be played on the radio waves ever again.

10) Def Leppard: Def Leppard is to music what explosive diarrhea is to an orgy: messy, disgusting, unexpected, and somehow is someone's fetish. I thought after their drummer had his terrible accident that these goofs were done wrecking the standards of what good music was...but no. They have to become "enablers" and make us suffer through the digital abortion that was Hysteria or whatever the hell that album was called.

9) Aerosmith: Back when they were all coked out and crazy, this band rocked. And I also give them full credit for helping to launch the awesomeness that was Run-DMC. They even made me think they were retiring with their Permanent Vacation record back in the 1980's. But the popularity of that record propelled them to new heights. Then they start making videos with that ugly-as-an-anal-fissure Alicia Silverstone and her fine blond mustache. To make things worse, the local rock station in my area seems to think that Aerosmith and Bob Seger are the only two artists that made music...ever. Thus, my disdain for Aerosmith comes more form local overexposure than anything else. Plus, Liv Tyler is hot so they get a half-pass.

8) Mariah Carey: Total Terminator-Like Bitch. The fact that she makes photographers only shoot her "good side" really ratchets her up the psycho-diva meter. Combine that with her conspiracy theories about Jennifer Lopez, her dismal movie performance is that god-awful Glitter movie, and her subsequent meltdown, I had thought the world was rid if her. But no. Idiots like Poof-Diddy and Jay-Z have to resurrect her career and subject me to a litany of additional music tracks in which she screeches like Yoko Ono.

7) Def Leppard: Have I really put forth the emphasis of how much I hate this fucking band?

6) Toby Keith: This flag-waving, gun-toting, Bush supporter makes my list because he's a no talent hack riding the wave of redneck American Jingoism that gives this country a bad name. He's a total sellout, smearing his likeness and music to truck commercials, political ads, and Japanese Bug Fights web pages. Ok, so I may have made that last part up. But one thing is sure....he has the soft and supple lips of a top flight gay porn star who could fellate the entire US Congress.

5) AC/DC: I love the Bonn Scott AC/DC. Brian Jones was serviceable until Thunderstruck. But now it sounds like he's taking a Randy Marsh size dump whenever he sings. Thank god they have stopped recording...for now.

4) Missy Elliot: Another sellout. I do not need to see her on tv, speaking with a mouth full of Doritos while she tells me her hip-hop needs an infusion of country. Her hip-hop needs and infusion of country like Diana Ross needs an infusion of crazy tablets. However, I do give credit in revealing in her last overplayed music video that Tommy Lee is indistinguishable from a common sewer rat.

3) Madonna: Please, we do not need your 75 year old ass trying to prove that you are still relevant in the 2000's. Put down the Kaballah pipe, drop the fake British accent, and shave down your yeti...I mean daughter.

2) The Who: The Who suck. Never liked them, never will. I suppose it begins with the fact that they are the poor man's version of the Rolling Stones. Couple of nimrods who look pretty gay trying to prove their manliness by blowing shit up and smashing guitars. Pete Townsend does not fill me with awe when he smashes a guitar. He fills me pity that a such a 'mo needs to prove his heterotosterone by smashing a guitar. Nope...none too scary. By the way, how is that book on pedophiles coming along. You know the one...the book you claimed you were writing when all that child porn was discovered on your home computer?

1) The Entirety of American Idol: Place the entire cast of winners, losers, morons, hosts, guest celebrities, writers, and creators...put them into a cargo tanker, and sink those no talent douchenozzles to the bottom of the Pacific.

Winter Break is Winding Down...

Friday, January 4, 2008

The First Rule of Japanese Bug Fights...

Is no one speaks about Japanese Bug Fights.

Though I can link to it HERE

Be warned. These are real bugs and they are fighting to the death. The squeamish should not visit.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Venture Brothers: Season Three Update 2.0

From Jackson Publick's Website...

Happy Holidays and all that good stuff to you all. You will find your annual Venture Bros.-themed digital music gift tucked inside your world wide information super-stocking by clicking HERE.

The studio's been abuzz with holiday shenanigans, even as we raced the clock to deliver another animatic and worked right up till the last moment. World Leaders hosted not one but three festive events in the past week, employing the crew's talents for such varied disciplines as karaoke, secret gift-giving, and heavy drinking. Things got rolling last week with a genuine Chili Cook-off, which I am proud to say my girlfriend and I took second place in. Blow-by-blow, on-the-day details can be found on Venture Bros. animatic/Animo editor Tom Bayne's rambling blog.

Speaking of blogs, Storyboard Czar Stephen DeStefano has a lovely one, and has seen fit to festoon it with a handful of his wonderfully expressive revision panels from one of our upcoming episodes. Check it out.

And now for your second gift:
Our overseas studio has already sent back three episodes, and here are some randomly-selected, out-of-context screengrabs from those self-same episodes, just to prove to you we're actually making a show in between all the heavy drinking and chili cooking, and that it actually looks pretty good:

One sour note from the past month (aside from my car getting hit yet again) is that Mr. Stephen Colbert has decided not to reprise his role as Professor Impossible this season, for reasons which probably have something to do with him being all super-famous, super-busy, and no longer in need of a few hundred bucks here and there. We figured this would happen eventually, considering his monumental success in the years since our first season, but we held out hope that the WGA strike would leave him with enough bored free time on his hands that he'd have a go at it. But after getting shuffled around from his assistant to his assistant's assistant to his agent to his manager, one of them finally shot us an email saying: "Stephen has neither the time nor the interest in participating in your project."

Was the "nor the interest" really necessary? I would have bought the "time" part without question, but gotta kick a guy when he's down like that? Well maybe I'm not interested in your ice cream, mister! Or your book. Unless someone buys it for me for Christmas.

Maynard Says: Sounds like things are rolling along at venture central. The Colbert stuff sucks ass but I do assume the man is somewhat busy. However the spite in the letter his assistant sent is little overboard in my estimation. He should get off his high horse and remember the greatness that is Mr. Impossible. Peak to the bottom of the BLOG for a great Venture Group pic.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The (C)rapture Apparently Came and Went on December 31st

Your hero thinks that nihilists are dumb. And none are dumber than rapture-retards. These idiots have predicted either the end of the world or the rapture several hundred times with no luck. Zero for 336 is pretty shitty batting stats even for the Cubs.

Where can one find some first rate info on God's plans for the rapture? Why from comic books of course.

Ahh, but in the event the end of the world does come, both your hero and his alter ego have the handbook for survival (unless I myself am raptured which would be a cruel but hilarious joke on the rest of you). Follow this man's lead:

But just in case something does happen, and the dead begin to rise from the grave and all that nonsense, take heed and listen to MegatonMaynard's Public Service Announcement on dealing with zombies.

But ultimately, it's all probably just a big cosmic god-clause joke on all of us.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Lotusphere 2008

So my hetero-lifemate Andy is blogging his ass off about Lotusphere. I figured I'd better get into the swing of things so that I too may be a part of the Lotusy goodness. Thus, here is my first, and likely, last post on Lotusphere.

Here it goes.


I have no idea what the hell Lotuspere is. It sounds like a fancier and perhaps Thai version of ben-wa balls. The real question is whether the lotusphere is inserted or worn. Does it need lube or can one go "commando". Can one be injured from too much fun with a lotusphere? I mean, do I need to sign a waiver like with the sex swing at the bunny ranch? And further, how user friendly is it. I mean, can I has a threesome with a lotusphere?

That's all I got. Maybe later I'll try writing some hot programmer on programmer Lotusphere porn. Yeah, something like, "He accessed her hard drive and deposited his viral video into the depths of her lotus approach. She looked at him and said, "Be gentle...I'm still updating my backlogs with patches. Oh my, do you have a condom?". And he said, "File not found, baby".

And the Winner is...

JEN! The voters have spoken and Jen's awesome Japanese game show tetris cleaned up for the game show challenge. Congrats baby. Make 'em smile...

Happy New Year -- Break Out the Regrets

So I'm reading this CNN article about parents who are suffering from "Name Regret" for their kids. Seems many parents throw out an idea for names without really thinking it through. Thus, you have people who choose to name their kid Emma, then change it to Caroline, or from Sophie to Isadora (both examples from the article).

Between smashing bad guys, your hero was able to find a web page that lifts comments from new parents as to what they think they are going to name their kids. The commentary, in red below, is the web site author chiming in their two cents worth. The whole list is worth a look.

Here's a sample:

We aren't having kids for another year or two, but we like Kellyna Nychole, Taryn Mykah and Mykenzie Kathryn for girls.

This woman was indicted under the Flagrant Over-Use of the Letters K and Y Act of 1983.

I once met a lady named Rodana. I think she runs a successful internet business.

In her spare time she destroys Tokyo.

I was thinking of naming my son Toolio. Does anyone know the origin on that one?
---[Jane] DeSac

Toolio DeSac. Boy, can't think of any way that kid'll get picked on. That's one taunt-proof name there!

I am 7 months pregnant, and I am having a boy. I think i'm going to name my son Kakinston ,, What do you think... ??

Besides sounding like a former Central Asian Soviet republic bordering Uzbekistan, it aids small bullies immensely starting the kid's name with KACK.

Thazel is a name I've wanted to use for either a boy or a girl. Is that name too weird? It's a combination of my grandmothers who pasted away just three weeks apart. (Thelma and Hazel)

"So where'd you get that interesting name, Thazel?"
"A string of mysterious tragedies. Now I'm haunted by two bickering old ladies from far beyond the grave."
"Oh, that's nice."

Get the whole story by clicking HERE