Tuesday, January 8, 2008

As Inspired By Trixie...

So I was reading through Trixie's House o' Blog and read through her list of songs that need never be played again. And while I agreed with most of the songs, I couldn't help but wonder what my list of songs never to be played again would be. And the more I thought about it, the more trouble I had just narrowing it down to songs rather than bands or artists. Therefore, without much further ado, here is my list of 10 Bands or Artists that should shrivel up, die, and never be played on the radio waves ever again.

10) Def Leppard: Def Leppard is to music what explosive diarrhea is to an orgy: messy, disgusting, unexpected, and somehow is someone's fetish. I thought after their drummer had his terrible accident that these goofs were done wrecking the standards of what good music was...but no. They have to become "enablers" and make us suffer through the digital abortion that was Hysteria or whatever the hell that album was called.

9) Aerosmith: Back when they were all coked out and crazy, this band rocked. And I also give them full credit for helping to launch the awesomeness that was Run-DMC. They even made me think they were retiring with their Permanent Vacation record back in the 1980's. But the popularity of that record propelled them to new heights. Then they start making videos with that ugly-as-an-anal-fissure Alicia Silverstone and her fine blond mustache. To make things worse, the local rock station in my area seems to think that Aerosmith and Bob Seger are the only two artists that made music...ever. Thus, my disdain for Aerosmith comes more form local overexposure than anything else. Plus, Liv Tyler is hot so they get a half-pass.

8) Mariah Carey: Total Terminator-Like Bitch. The fact that she makes photographers only shoot her "good side" really ratchets her up the psycho-diva meter. Combine that with her conspiracy theories about Jennifer Lopez, her dismal movie performance is that god-awful Glitter movie, and her subsequent meltdown, I had thought the world was rid if her. But no. Idiots like Poof-Diddy and Jay-Z have to resurrect her career and subject me to a litany of additional music tracks in which she screeches like Yoko Ono.

7) Def Leppard: Have I really put forth the emphasis of how much I hate this fucking band?

6) Toby Keith: This flag-waving, gun-toting, Bush supporter makes my list because he's a no talent hack riding the wave of redneck American Jingoism that gives this country a bad name. He's a total sellout, smearing his likeness and music to truck commercials, political ads, and Japanese Bug Fights web pages. Ok, so I may have made that last part up. But one thing is sure....he has the soft and supple lips of a top flight gay porn star who could fellate the entire US Congress.

5) AC/DC: I love the Bonn Scott AC/DC. Brian Jones was serviceable until Thunderstruck. But now it sounds like he's taking a Randy Marsh size dump whenever he sings. Thank god they have stopped recording...for now.

4) Missy Elliot: Another sellout. I do not need to see her on tv, speaking with a mouth full of Doritos while she tells me her hip-hop needs an infusion of country. Her hip-hop needs and infusion of country like Diana Ross needs an infusion of crazy tablets. However, I do give credit in revealing in her last overplayed music video that Tommy Lee is indistinguishable from a common sewer rat.

3) Madonna: Please, we do not need your 75 year old ass trying to prove that you are still relevant in the 2000's. Put down the Kaballah pipe, drop the fake British accent, and shave down your yeti...I mean daughter.

2) The Who: The Who suck. Never liked them, never will. I suppose it begins with the fact that they are the poor man's version of the Rolling Stones. Couple of nimrods who look pretty gay trying to prove their manliness by blowing shit up and smashing guitars. Pete Townsend does not fill me with awe when he smashes a guitar. He fills me pity that a such a 'mo needs to prove his heterotosterone by smashing a guitar. Nope...none too scary. By the way, how is that book on pedophiles coming along. You know the one...the book you claimed you were writing when all that child porn was discovered on your home computer?

1) The Entirety of American Idol: Place the entire cast of winners, losers, morons, hosts, guest celebrities, writers, and creators...put them into a cargo tanker, and sink those no talent douchenozzles to the bottom of the Pacific.


Ann T Quittys thoughts said...

I must admit I agree with some of what you have said in this list. I do however feel you were a bit harsh on Madonna's daughter. She is get a girl! Since you're at it kick some puppies and throw around some kittens. LOL

Denise (aka Trixie) said...

Dude! Def Lepperd? They rock!!!

The rest I totally agree with.
Except of course American Idol. That is a train wreck and guilty pleasure that I can never give up.

Enoch said...

Right on about Def Leppard and American Idol, MM, but I have to strongly disagree about The Who. Mariah Carey used to be okay back in the early 90s, before she went all crazy-fied.

Also, I don't know how you were able to limit your list to 10 (9) bands. I'd have to include Winger, Poison, a few other 80s hair bands, Limp Bizkit, Celine Dion, Meatloaf...

Old said...

Ann T Quittys thoughts said...

She is get a girl! Since you're at it kick some puppies and throw around some kittens. LOL

Don't let Gwen Stefani read you typing that!

Dr Quatto said...

actually AC/DC is releasing a new album in april. As for the list I do agree with most of it.