Monday, September 8, 2008

Seven Steps to Henching (for my hetero-life mate Andrew)

becoming a henchman

there are many reasons to watch cartoon network’s “the venture bros.” for one, there is the man’s man in brock samson, so mean and rugged that he could break your arm with the clench of his rectum (see “Dia de los Dangerous” season 1, episode 1). no, the venture bros. is not for the faint of heart.

But greater still is the irreplaceable presence of the semi-minor arch villain monarch’s henchmen.

In honor of the pride with which they throw themselves into their “henching,” i provide for you a quick, nonexhaustive list of how to become a henchman.

1. educate yourself in all things comic book.

2. master video games, preferably the role playing type.

3. learn every line and read every critical theory book concerning the star wars saga.

4. live in your parents’ home well into your thirties.

5. provide your own sound effects.

6. never, under any circumstances exercise. rarely shower.

7. develop a ray romano accent (or a pre-puberty screech)

there you have it! seven steps to start you on your path towards henchman-dom.


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