Anatomy of a Rant (commentary in superhero red)

So some of you have read my Cybernations entry. Some of you got it. Some didn't. It was to be expected. If you're not a CN (cybernations) guy, you'll likely think I am talking in code.

That notwithstanding, Skippy, whom I have known for 13 long-ass and disturbing years, has been the natural target for some brutal but still good natured ribbing. And Skippy, to his credit, takes it like a pro. But should anyone screw with Skippy, they usually feel, our wrath. And Skippy, who is always a seething cauldron of serial arson, public intoxication, and horse steroid fueled angst, is always trying his best to keep a level head and react with the rare but brutal jab of his own. But then every once in a while, Skippy goes all stinkfist on someone...like these poor bastards.

SKIPPY

I am DickSkippy, ruler of ONLY one Nation, Outer Ring Doomtopia! Where do you get off banning everyone with the name "DOOM" in it thinking it is the same person???? I would like reinstated and an apology and some $#$% aid immediately cause some jerkoff(CHALKY) dropped the ball and does not know and his ass from a hole in the ground and because of him, i am getting killed!! Get it together Sparta, or things are going to go bad for you. This is very bad PR, and word is spreading......

Learn to investigate next time, Chalky. That is the basis for INTERNAL AFFAIRS, dumbass.

Translation: I am one guy who rules one nation on CN. Not one guy ruling three. Who the fuck do you think you are banning me of all people just because I have DOOM in my name. You assholes had better unban me from your group, apologize by puckering up to my hairy ass, and send my nation some money and weapons because I am getting my ass kicked in four wars and you are supposed to be helping me. It's not my fault that some assclown whose CN name in Chalky banned me without actually taking the time to investigate. You better get it together or Maynard is going to blog about it and make you guys all look like assholes.

(This is akin to Skippy...
1) opening a can of gasoline
2) pouring it all over the place while stunned allies look on
3) pissing on it for effect)

TRINITE:

With posts like this, it makes me very sad that we won't have you as a member. There's nothing I want more in Sparta than a hot temper and personal insults.

Translation: You're a poo-poo head. I am going to talk all adult and stuff to make you sound dumb. But look how I also insult you by making it look like I'm not insulting you. And check out my hair.

SKIPPY:

Are you replying for all of Sparta or just you?? That is what happened last time, lack of communication. I want to hear from Bush_84 himself on this matter. That is all, you are dismissed, Trinite.

Translation: Who the fuck are you to talk to me about this? Do you matter to anyone but yourself? I want to hear results from the boss, not some rock banging underling like you. I say good day.

(Skippy pees on him a little)

WANDMDAVE:

gov may have handled this better but now you are doing just as bad of a job. It has been our policy for a long time to ban people suspected of multis as we post it to the CN mods for review. If you are cleared by the CN mods you'll be let back in. I apologize if you all are truly innocent but we've had multis before and most multis are very active so we do not take chances.

The only thing that might change due to this incident is receiving a PM as you are banned explaining the situation and why it happened. I'm not sure if that was done in this case or not.

Either way you're pissing on your chance to get back in if that even is your intention from these posts. And those wars are your own damn fault. If you had a level head and had waited a day or two this situation would have resolved itself quickly and painlessly. Instead you decided to mouth off and attack random people.

If you really do want to get back in I suggest you peace out on your wars, change your attitude, and sit tight and wait for the CN mods decision. If you still have a nation you'll be let back in.

Translation: Ok, maybe we are at fault a little bit but it is policy and stuff. But you better simmer down and stuff because we may take our ball and go home without you. And the wars you are fighting are your own fault (Not entirely true). Maybe if you were rational and not some furry little lunatic bent on making us all look the morons we are, this would be better for you (definitely us). We'll let you back in if you end your wars, shut up, be a good little boy, and wait for the grown ups to talk.

SKIPPY:

OMG! That was so nice of you to post that! I love that it was oozing with sarcasm you douchenozzle! Go play with chalky. As i said you are dismissed. I want to here from someone that actually matters in this messed up government, not a pee-on-wanna-be Chalky fan like yourself. Get a clue and spell your name correctly. Good bye now.

Translation: Not Necessary

(This is akin to:
1) Skippy pulling out his weiner and slapping this poor bastard on the forehead with it
2) Lighting the match and burning every bridge into and out of Sparta
Needless to say, Skippy is on fire. And what the fuck kind of name is WandMDave anyway?)

WANDMDAVE:

fuck it. I'm someone who matters and unless Bush or Tulak really want you back in you're done regardless of the mods decision. Your only chance is to change your attitude and apologize to both Trin and Chalky immediately. They are both good people and I'm sure they'll extend you the same courtesy.

Translation: I matter. I totally matter. I am a somebody. Look at how much of a somebody I am. You better start making with the sorry's or we'll get you. And say your sorry to Trin and Chalky (who really is a doucheburger). Yeah. And we'll apologize back because we are so cool

(This is akin to saying take your balls out of my face Skippy. Look how important I am)

SMITTY:

I wanna find the manual on how to be just like Dick(Skippy). I know there's gotta be one somewhere....

To think, if we were all like you Dick(Skippy). To think how far Sparta would go with your superior communication skills and level headed negotiation abilities. Man, I hope we have 1000 Dicks(Skippy's) in Sparta soon!!! I cannot wait

Translation: You suck so much that I am going to use badly written sarcasm to show you how bad you are. And the smiley face is to let you know I may be into light bondage.

(Wow. A 1000 Skippy's.....That's downright frightening. But, since Skippy nethandle here is DickSkippy and Smitty obviously loves dick....it seems obvios that this man is just begging to be the skewer in a penis smorgasborg)

WANDMDAVE:

please dont fuel the fire Smitty, same with you Trin. This has gone too far already.

Translation: Jesus Christ, shut up Smitty. Can't you see we're dealing with a total loon? God knows what he might set on fire next.

WANDMDAVE:

Dickslappy please follow Smitty's example. You arent doing yourself any favors, and since wemedge, blackrain, and doom ryu will probably be following you even if the CN mods side in their favor, you are doing them a disservice as well.

You all have every right to be angry but you need to calm down so this can be resolved. I would like to see you all proven innocent and let back in.

Translation: Look at my clever name calling I just said we shouldn't do ten minutes before. Skippy is digging his own grave and because we really don;t know how to handle any of this, we may kick all of you guys out, so there. But like calm down and stuff even though I just threatened to boot all of you guys out.

SKIPPY:

Find in favor of us? That is what you guys should have done BEFORE all of this! It would have taken a few minutes to figure out we all have different IP adresses. And we are in different cities!! don't take out on them because of what i say or do. Sparta should have investigated the right way and we would be fighting TOOL and other alliances instead of this clusterfuck you guys created. I think we(the DOOM nations) all deserve apologies and we can go on from there...

Translation: Do you even know what the fuck your doing? And didn't I just call you a nobody about 30 minutes ago? Even company computer guy Skippy could solve this issue by just doing a little IP work. Because you guys suck as investigators, I'm getting stinkfisted by TOOL. I demand some help and some THANK YOU's!

(This is akin to Skippy saying, Why don't you just admit you screwed up royally so we can all move on. Of course at the same time, Skippy has also thrown a couple of chairs onto the blaze)

WANDMDAVE:

Either way you way over reacted an must now apologize to Trin and Chalky before we even consider you getting back even if the CN mods clear you. You may feel free to do it via PM if you wish. I'm sure they will be understanding and, as I have said, I'm sure they'll extend you the same courtesy.

Translation: Even though we screwed this all up, we'll not take responsibility for it and you owe us an apology because we're douchebags.

SKIPPY:

apologize?? Where is mine?
Over react? Of course i over reacted, this is complete bullshit.

Translation: Where are my Thank You's! Overeacted? You've not seen overeacted yet you little bitches.

(At this point, Skippy drops his pants and takes a colossal "here's my apology" dump in the forums)

What will happen next? Will Skippy apologize? Will Sparta get it's collective head out of it's ass? And will I bore you with another post only two people can understand? Stay Tuned.