Tuesday, April 29, 2008

It's Not What You Think. Morty is Really Just Leading a Healthy Lifestyle.

Boston (eCanadaNow) - Researchers have found that men who masturbate frequently are at a reduced risk of prostate cancer.

Australian researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had prostate cancer, and over 1,250 men who did not.

They found that men who ejaculated via masturbation between the ages of 20 and 50 were least likely to get prostate cancer.

Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were one-third less likely to develop the disease.

It was found that to prevent cancer overall, masturbation was better than even sexual intercourse.

Masturbating allows the body to ejaculate, getting rid of stuff that could lead to prostate cancer if it is built up over time.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Needed Reposted


This is me and my Dad. My Dad was my hero growing up. He always told me that he could do anything and my childhood innocence believed it. As I grew older, we had our share of fights, disagreements, and shouting matches that I chalk up today to the stubborn streak of independence I was searching for as a teen and young man.

But over the last few years as I have seen my Father get older, I look upon those times I spent with a more appreciative eye. My Dad was a great man and I appreciate him and his sacrifices he made for his family more and more as the weeks pass.

My Dad worked a 40-hour a week factory job, carried the clock as security for the same factory on weekends, and painted houses on the side. The fact he had any time left for his three kids is a miracle. But he always did. He always had time to take me to the doctors every Saturday morning for 15 years. He always had time to play catch or throw a football or teach me something about the mysteries of life. He was honest and forthright and told me like it was.

For a long time I never knew if I wanted a child of my own. I put off the the idea for a variety of reasons. But as I got older, met Jen, and we started to seriously talk about kids, I had a change of heart.

I wanted my Father to hold my child in his arms before that opportunity would be lost with age and frailty. I wanted to see my life come full circle and to see the joy between Grandfather and Grandchild. My Grandfather died when I was young and I miss him. But more than that, I miss knowing him. My older siblings had the opportunity to "know" their Grandfather and I wanted my daughter to have at least some of that.

I very much look forward to telling my daughter about the hero that was and is my Dad. I look forward to telling her about his life, his service to the nation, his sacrifices for his family, and his kindness. I only hope that I can be half the father to my daughter that my father was to me and that he will be proud of what I have accomplished in my own life.

Our daughter is named after my Dad's Mother, Sara Williams. She passed when he was very young and so I only know her from pictures and remembrances. I wanted to name my Daughter Sara so that my Father could get to know another Sara that, like his Mother, would be a small part of his life.

I love you, Dad.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

Oh...My...God

N.J. Officer Allegedly Performed Sex Acts On Cows

Previously Charged With Sexual Assault On 3 Girls

MOORESTOWN, PA ― More charges have been filed against a Burlington County police officer who was recently charged with sexually assaulting three girls.

Authorities announced Moorestown Officer Robert Melia Jr., 38, has been charged with four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.

Melia and his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis were previously charged with three counts of aggravated sexual assault and one count of criminal sexual contact with three girls in his Pemberton home from 2003 until 2006.

Melia is being held on $510,000 bail.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Tudors Get Picked Up For A Third Season


Showtime's TUDORS Approved for Third Go

By: Jarrod Sarafin
Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Looks like we're going to be getting a glimpse of King Henry VIII's third wife and possibly fourth, says Variety. Showtime has approved a third season for their period drama "The Tudors", which is currently airing its second season every Sunday night on the network. Production will begin on the next season June 16 in Dublin.

Here's what Showtime had to say on the renewal.

"The Tudors" is "now a fixture for us at Showtime, and we're on our way to completing the entire saga of all six wives of Henry VIII."

Venture Brothers Season 3 Preview



Courtesy of my Hetero-Life Mate

Ice Age 3

Wall-E

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tool -- Jambi

And Here I Thought Republicans Were All About Supporting the Troops

VA Hid Suicide Risk, Internal E-Mails Show


In San Francisco federal court Monday, attorneys for veterans' rights groups accused the U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs of nothing less than a cover-up - deliberately concealing the real risk of suicide among veterans.

"The system is in crisis and unfortunately the VA is in denial," said veterans rights attorney Gordon Erspamer.

The charges were backed by internal e-mails written by Dr. Ira Katz, the VA's head of Mental Health.

In the past, Katz has repeatedly insisted while the risk of suicide among veterans is serious, it's not outside the norm.

"There is no epidemic in suicide in VA," Katz told Keteyian in November.

But in this e-mail to his top media adviser, written two months ago, Katz appears to be saying something very different, stating: "Our suicide prevention coordinators are identifying about 1,000 suicide attempts per month among veterans we see in our medical facilities."

Katz's e-mail was written shortly after the VA provided CBS News data showing there were only 790 attempted suicides in all 2007 - a fraction of Katz's estimate.

"This 12,000 attempted suicides per year shows clearly, without a doubt, that there is an epidemic of suicide among veterans," said Paul Sullivan of Veterans for Common Sense.

And it appears that Katz went out of his way to conceal these numbers.

First, he titled his e-mail: "Not for the CBS News Interview Request."

He opened it with "Shh!" - as in keep it quiet - before ending with
"Is this something we should (carefully) address … before someone stumbles on it?"

On Monday, CBS News showed the e-mail to Rep. Bob Filner, D-Calif., who chairs the House Committee on Veterans Affairs.

"This is disgraceful. This is a crime against our nation, our nation's veterans," Filner told CBS News. "They do not want to come to grips with the reality, with the truth."

And that's not all.

Last November when CBS News exposed an epidemic of more than 6,200 suicides in 2005 among those who had served in the military, Katz attacked our report.

"Their number is not, in fact, an accurate reflection of the rate," he said last November.

But it turns out they were, as Katz admitted in this e-mail, just three days later.

He wrote: there "are about 18 suicides per day among America's 25 million veterans."

That works out to about 6,570 per year, which Katz admits in the same e-mail, "is supported by the CBS numbers."

Monday, April 21, 2008

I Have a Good Idea as to What Dr. Q Will Be Googling Today

IT’S my party and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to.

Eyeful ... Rupert covers Emma's modesty


You would cry too if you had just turned 18 and got hold of more than £10million . . . or maybe you wouldn’t.

Harry Potter star EMMA WATSON – Hermione Granger in the films – had a face like thunder on Saturday night, despite a great 18th birthday bash with co-stars including TOM FELTON (who plays Malfoy) at plush Mayfair restaurant Automat.

The young actress didn’t flash a smile but she did flash something else – so I have covered her modesty with an aptly-placed picture of co-star RUPERT GRINT.

Sounds Like Squid and Quatto in Vampire

Row over shepherd's pie ends in court

By Gary Cleland
Last Updated: 8:30am BST 21/04/2008

A row over the correct way to make shepherd’s pie ended up in court after a disagreement between two brothers turned violent.

After a day spent drinking, Michael Garvin cooked his brother John the traditional English dish for dinner, expecting a grateful response.

John, however, voiced his disquiet that the pie was not topped with a layer of sliced tomatoes.

His brother, a chef, claimed a layer of tomatoes was not the appropriate way to finish off a shepherd’s pie, and responded by hitting him over the head with a shovel.

As the argument got out of control, John threatened to petrol bomb his brother’s flat and was arrested.

Catherine Allen, prosecuting, said the brothers had been drinking before Michael embarked on culinary duties.

She said: “The argument started because there were no tomatoes on the top of the shepherd’s pie that Michael had made for their tea and John thought this was wrong.”

John swore at his brother and then said he was going to petrol bomb Michael’s flat, the prosecutor said.

This had frightened his brother, as John had previously set fire to his own flat, the court heard.

Liz Parker, defending, said : “My client does not accept the remark about petrol bombing.

“What he does say is that Michael hit him over the head with a shovel and there was a lot of trouble over very little.”

Jessica Rabbit



So Maynard stumbled across this website today that tries to "untoon" cartoon characters. That is, they try to give you an idea of what some characters might look like if they were a little more flesh and blood rather than inks and paper. Overall, I thought it looked pretty cool.

Scrolling down the pixeloo web site, I then saw this:



Definitely some Gamma World fodder they methinks. Anyhow, you too can check out the joy of pixeloo at www.pixeloo.blogspot.com

Of course, Canada has their very own flesh and blood Jessica Rabbit:

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Holy Crap! Rudy Huxtable Grew Up To Be Hot!


Tyler Perry Casts 'Cosby''s Rudy as Prostitute

(HOLLYWOOD REPORTER) — Keshia Knight Pulliam, the actress Americans watched grow up on The Cosby Show as precocious Rudy Huxtable, has signed on to play a prostitute in Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail. In the big-screen adaptation of Perry's play, his outrageous matriarch Madea comes to the aid of Pulliam's hooker Candy, who is being preyed upon by another inmate named Big Sal. Derek Luke has also signed on to the movie, playing Joshua, a lawyer who has a past with Candy. (Hollywood Reporter)



Friday, April 18, 2008

Jesse Ventura and the REAL Straight Talk Express



Robert E. Lee's Secret Sears Masturbatorium

Sears, Robert E. Lee Sued For Dressing Room Peep Show
Revisionist historians and Southern apologists, please avert your eyes.

First Robert E. Lee lost the Southern cause, now one of his more recent rear-guard actions has him in hot water in Henrico County Circuit Court.

It seems the rears that this Lee — of the 8000 block of Creighton Parkway in Mechanicsville — tried guarding were not among his assigned duties as an assistant manager at the Virginia Center Commons Sears in March 2006.

No, the rears in question were trying on bathing suits in the ladies’ dressing room, above which Lee had taken up a scouting post. The action has already earned Lee two convictions for peeping.

Now Lee’s being sued for $2.7 million — that’s federal currency, not Confederate bonds. The facts: One of Lee’s victims, a pre-pubescent girl, happened to glance up to notice Lee watching her through the ceiling tiles and reported it to store officials.

After Lee surrendered to Henrico Police, investigators discovered the Sears manager had created a makeshift masturbatorium from a service platform just above the ladies’ dressing rooms.

It appeared to investigators that the prefab peeping hutch had been in use for quite some time, the victim’s lawsuit alleges, and that Lee admitted to watching the girl and her mother trying on bathing suits.

“During the search of the room, police officials recovered sexually explicit magazines and seminal fluids,” the suit says.

Initially, Lee was charged with four misdemeanor counts, two each for peeping and masturbating in public. When he entered pleas of no contest in October 2006, it was only to the two charges of peeping.

The current civil action is actually two lawsuits, each asking for $1.35 million. Both Lee and Sears are named as defendants.

“We have a young girl who has been traumatized,” says Keith B. Marcus, a lawyer representing the case. “She’s seeking counseling. It’s something that will take some time to resolve. Given the defendant’s conduct, I believe it’s warranted.”

Naming Sears as a co-defendant also is warranted, Marcus says: “Sears has to monitor their employees. You can’t turn a blind eye to what your employees are doing and it was obvious this had been going on for a while.”

Reached for comment, a Sears spokeswoman, Kim Freely, says she’s unfamiliar with the history of Lee’s case, but “I can tell you we wouldn’t comment on pending litigation.”

Lee is not on the state’s sex-offender registry because misdemeanor peeping earns a slot on the list only after the third offense.

Dr. Quatto...Hermione is Finally Legal



Harry Potter star Emma Watson turned 18 on Tuesday, meaning she is now a legal adult and has full access to the fortune she has accumulated while acting since the age of 9. And that is way way more than you might think it is. The New York Daily News says…
For most teens, turning 18 and becoming a legal adult comes with a few small perks including voting rights. For Emma Watson, turning 18 grants her access to the $20 million she's amassed making the wildly popular film series.
But Watson's parents are making sure their daughter doesn't blow through her millions.
Watson has sat through a series of lessons in money management given by Coutts bank, the Daily Mail reports. She's reportedly learned about basic economics, investing, and philanthropy.
Wow this reminds me of my own 18th birthday party. Except replace the part about being famous and popular and amassing a huge fortune, with me alone in my bedroom doing a live version of Grease with my stuffed animals as the cast. You can't go back to Australia Sandy, you'll break my heart!
credit: wwttd.com

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Rupert has an Opinion

[Gossip] Ron Weasley From Harry Potter Blasts Lohan
Posted by Ashish on 04.17.2008



Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter films) doesn't seem to think very highly of Lindsay Lohan. He said he met Lohan last summer and wasn't impressed, calling her an "airhead" who talks about herself too much and adding the following: "She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 25. I just kept thinking, ‘But you can't act'."

Ouch.




Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Tool -- Vicarious

The French Do Something...Sensible?

The French Parliament has created a new bill that would make it illegal for anyone to publicly promote extreme thinness. This would mean that magazines, TV, movies, newspapers, websites, etc. would not be able to promote people who are too thin.

The bill has already been approved and will go before the Senate next week.

This law would be the strongest of its type ever passed and comes after the death of a Brazilian model in 2006 which was linked to anorexia. Her death prompted officials throughout the fashion industry to re-evaluate and address the use of portraying extremely thin models. This also led to Spain banning extremely thin models from walking in their fashion shows.

Under the new law, if you are found guilty of "inciting others to deprive themselves of food" to an excessive degree, judges will have the power to imprison or fine offenders up to $47,000. Authorities can also sanction those individuals responsible to magazine photos portraying "excessive thinness."

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Even Simon Approved

Greetings citizens. As you all know, Megaton Maynard is friend to the K-9 Species. And to that end, I provide you, my adoring fans, with this rare sight. A border collie with more talent then Casual Guy.

Friday, April 11, 2008

A Bit of Eye Candy for the Deuce


If you all don't have Showtime, then you are missing one of the best new series: The Tudors. Things are moving along at a break neck pace in Season Two and the show looks to only get better this year.

From the Desk of Tyler Durden

Paris Hiltons latest foray into reality television is supposed to be some train wreck where she auditions people to be her next best friend. And apparently that’s every bit as appealing as you might think. EW says...
The makers of Paris’s new reality show were hoping for a huge turn-out of potential applicants for casting calls. However, they didn’t get the number of people they had hoped for. One source tells OK!: “There were less than 40 people there."

And they said many of the 40 were just fuckups looking to get on TV, with no intention of going through with this nonsense. Instead of a show where she tries to find a best friend, how about a show where we put her in a rocket and shoot her into the sun. I know that doesn’t sound like a compromise in the traditional sense, but it is if you consider that I wanted to do a show where we imprisoned her on Monster Island.


Credit: wwtdd.com

Rachael Ray is a Dirty Girl

Go Ahead...You Know You Want to Click Here

PSA for Morty and Squid (language)

Megaton Maynard's Tribute to FAIL


















Shake Up On The Howard Stern Show

Artie Lange Resigns from Howard Stern Show

Atlanta, GA 4/10/2008 04:43 PM GMT (FINDITT)


Artie Lange, a mainstay on the Howard Stern Stow, resigned Thursday after an argument and subsequent outburst at his personal assistant on the air.

Lange, who became a member of the show in October 2001, was seen disputing with his assistant in the hallways off the air. Once Stern found out about the dispute, he invited Lange's assistant Teddy to discuss it on the air.

The argument began with Lange's issues with Teddy over money, then discussed travel accomodations Teddy, known as "Teddy Microphone" to the staff, made for Lange to Amsterdam.

As the argument ensued, Lange physically lashed out at Teddy. The scuffle was broken up by staff members, but Stern denounced Lange's actions.

Lange, who has a similar incident on air in the past, said he could not guarantee not acting out in this manner in the future. Stern replied, saying he cannot have Lange around with the potential of another physical outburst.

Lange then offered his resignation and Stern accepted.

Several fans have visited the Stern Fan Network (SFN) to discuss their thoughts about the situation and the potential of Lange never returning to the show.

So Skippy is Dropping By This Weekend...

Stacy Dash is 42 and Incredibly Hot

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Finally!!! The Venture Brothers: Season Three to Debut June 1st!

From Publick Nuisance



For those who don't know, adultswim has made an annual tradition of screwing around with their programming for April Fools' Day, and this year they chose to broadcast "rough cuts" of some of their shows--including The Venture Bros. So if you were lucky/cursed enough to be watching adultswim this past Sunday night (I was neither), you would have been witness to the first 11 minutes of episode #28 ("The Doctor Is Sin") in its rawest form: a low resolution, straight-from-Korea "first take" with no sound effects, no music, and a ton of mistakes. Notorious perfectionist control freaks that we are, Doc and I were...somewhat less-than-thrilled when we heard the news (and even less than less-than-thrilled to have learned it from the viewers, not the network, and only after the fact). To us it was the psychological equivalent of having naked pictures of ourselves circulated on the internet. At first anyway. I've since warmed to the idea--because it reminds me that Adult Swim is a silly network that takes chances and has fun with itself, when I could have been working for some average, boring, anal network. Plus, if the message boards are to be trusted, you all seem to think we look nice naked...



Ironically, we turned the fully finished version of that self-same episode in the very next day. There are horror stories to tell about the production mishaps that plagued it from script to final cut (and all points in between), but those can wait to be bitched about until it airs for real...



Anyway, the aforementioned production problems and a couple of untimely flus have put us slightly behind in post-production. We've fully completed three episodes to date, we're currently editing picture on the fourth (its next stop is the sound engineer), and we'll be starting the fifth this weekend. To give you an idea of how screwy the production order is this season, the first episode we turned in (#27) is going to air third or fourth, depending on how quickly we can rush #37--written eleventh and produced tenth, which we hope to air third but will probably air fourth--through post-production. The second episode we turned in (#29) was written third and produced second, but is going to air eleventh. The third (#28) was written second, produced third, and will air second. And #32, which was written and produced sixth--but will be edited fifth--is actually the premier episode of the season. I dare you to try to keep that kind of continuity conundrum straight in your head...



Somehow, in the midst of all of this, Doc and I are also expected to begin writing season 4 and producing the DVD set for the not-even-finished-yet season 3. And we've both been doing a little moonlighting--Doc's been making music and I'm doing some voices and a little writing for adultswim's forthcoming SuperJail series. It's been a busy month, yes...



And now, the News in brief...

ITEM: The Venture Bros. will premier on June 1st.

ITEM: Doc and I were interviewed in the sophomore issue of Comic Foundry magazine, which is now on the stands. Aside from a preoccupation with the recent "Stephen Colbert Incident" (and the fact that they refer to me as "Pollack" no less than three times), the 2 page spread provides a nice little preview of the upcoming season with only mild spoilers.

ITEM: Kid Robot has made some miniature Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend figurines, which will be available in mystery packaging along with like 16 other adultswim figurines. So good luck if you decide to buy one. Or two.

ITEM: Doc and I will be attending the Venture Bros. panel at the New York Comicon on Saturday, April 19th at 4:00pm. Urbaniak and Sinterniklaas will be joining us, and we're hoping to cajole a couple of other people into dancing into the fire with us. Honorary AstroBase Cadet Ken Plume will be moderating the festivities.

ITEM: Word has it we'll be attending the San Diego Comicon in July this year as well, adultswim having retracted their unofficial boycott. But it's too soon to know what we'll be doing there other than sweating and trying to find affordable Robert McGinnises.





We Love You,
JP