Landocalrissan Strikes Again

Chase ends in crash, arrest

By Lindsay Suchow
Poughkeepsie Journal

A City of Poughkeepsie man was arrested Thursday after leading police on a high-speed chase through the city, which came to an end on the lawns of two Washington Street homes. Officer Garth Mason was on Market Street at 6:37 p.m. when he saw a car, operated by Landocalrissan Butler, 27, of Winnikee Avenue, speeding and moving into the officer’s lane, almost striking his car, said Deputy Chief Tom Ghee. Mason attempted to pull Butler’s vehicle over, Ghee said, but Butler allegedly did not comply and would not stop his vehicle. Butler led Mason on a chase through several city streets, eventually ending up southbound on Washington Street, Ghee said.

Just Like Trained Monkeys

Bush Rallies Conservatives for Campaign

By DEB RIECHMANN – 5 hours ago

WASHINGTON (AP) — Without naming John McCain, President Bush marshaled the conservative wing of the Republican Party on Friday to back the presumed GOP presidential nominee for the upcoming battle against the Democratic Party.

"The stakes in November are high. This is an important election. Prosperity and peace are in the balance," Bush told about 2,000 people attending the Conservative Political Action Conference. "So with confidence in our vision and faith in our values, let us go forward, fight for victory and keep the White House in 2008."

Bush spoke to a boisterous crowd shortly after 7 a.m. EST. The ballroom erupted in cheers when someone shouted "Are there conservatives in the house?" When the president walked on stage, they clapped and chanted "Four more years! Four more years!"

Maynard Says:

Mike Judge's New Animated Series

MIKE JUDGE TOONS UP FOR ABC

• By Jeremy Smith
• Published Today

If Mike Judge can't be a success on the big screen, he'll just go back to the small one and make a ton of money for whatever network is lucky enough to have him. And while King of the Hill enjoys its twelfth season on Fox, ABC will has wisely elected to hook up with Judge for a thirteen-episode order of his latest animated comedy, The Goode Family.

I'm wary of taking Variety's word on anything (they've apparently laid off their fact checkers), but I'm pretty sure they're correct in stating that The Goode Family will be ABC's first animated series since Kevin Smith's Clerks. Hopefully, they treat Judge's show better than they did Smith's. There isn't much out there in the way of details on Goode; all we know thus far is that the show centers on a family of do-gooders "that tries to do the right thing in all facets of life". Sounds like a scenario ripe for sociopolitical satire. And, if handled poorly by ABC, something that should be canceled within four episodes.

Judge is teaming with the ubiquitous Media Rights Capital (MRC) and two of his executive producers from King of the Hill, John Altschuler and Dave Krinsky. MRC signed one of those handy interim agreements with the WGA, so scripts for The Goode Family are already being written. The company is also prepping a half-hour sitcom for David Koechner, which makes me very happy (even though I just saw him completely wasted in yet another studio comedy this evening).

For Judge's sake, I hope The Goode Family is yet another small screen success. Anything that gets his confidence back up for another stab at the movie business. And if all else fails, he can always fall back on inducing farts out of Wee Man.

Happy 76th Birthday John Williams

Honestly this might make me pass out

February 7, 2008 -- Scarlett Johansson has a steamy lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's upcoming "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." A source tells us: "It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping." The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem, who plays Cruz's husband. The film also stars Patricia Clarkson, Rebecca Hall, Kevin Dunn and Chris Messina.



Megaton Maynard says: This might actually be the first Woody Allen I'll ever watch.

And there was much rejoicing -- New Mass Effect content coming for the Xbox 360

Beginning on 10th March, fans everywhere will be able to expand the "Mass Effect" experience with the release of the first ever downloadable content.

The "Bring Down the Sky" downloadable content pack will be released to Xbox LIVE Marketplace on Monday, 10th March at 10am, and will be available for 400 MS points. This is the first in a series of planned downloadable content that further expands the "Mass Effect" universe and continues the adventures of Commander Shepard and his crew of the Normandy.

"Bring Down the Sky" includes a new uncharted world that introduces the notorious and feared alien race of the Batarians. A Batarian extremist group has hijacked a mobile asteroid station in the Asgard system, setting it on a collision course with the nearby colony world of Terra Nova. Only Commander Shepard can save the millions of innocent civilians before the asteroid completes its deadly descent.

"Bring Down the Sky" contains approximately 90 minutes of heart-pounding action and a new Achievement worth 50 Gamerscore points.

Check out the Batarians below...

Second Best Star Wars Parody

One of the First and Arguably Best Star Wars Parodies Ever

The Truth Will Rule the Earth on Ash Wednesday

Impractical Armor for Women Warriors

I have been a roleplaying geek for at least 20 years now. Through it all there has been one constant element true to all genres of gaming. All chicks are hot and wear scant little armor.

As a player and storyteller, I too have fallen into this adolescent trap. "As you finally enter the last chamber your enemy stands before with her boobs practically falling out of her armor...what do you do..."

Answer one: I attack the darkness

Answer Two: I cast "sleep with nerd" spell on her

Answer Three: I telekinetically squeeze her boobs

Answer Four: I kill the bitch

As roleplaying nerd-dom has now crossed from tabletop play to more mainstream media, I cannot help but notice the plethora of impractical chick armor-styles that I see. And it's not just fantasy roleplaying, it's video games, SCA, LARP, comic books, and catalogs now.

Take this fine example:


First, let me commend this young lass on her finely crafted LARP armor. I am especially a fan of the claws holding her breasts...in I suppose. Sexy? Yes. Practical? Only in Fetish Dungeons and Dragons (which some fellow we all call "The Dude" likely plays). First off, she has no weapon. Secondly, her hair is loose and thus likely to get into her eyes in combat. Thirdly, the bottom of her "breastplate" has pointy edges likely to dig into her supple...sexy...hard...tummy. But I digress. While undoubtedly sexy in some live action goth-sorceress way, a good poke with a sharp stick is likely to do serious harm to this lass.

Exhibit B:

Here we have a woman dressed even less practically than the one above. First off, I am absolutely sure that metal bikini bottom is a thong, thus dramatically increasing the chance of chafing. I am pretty sure there is no medieval talcum powder available at the local markets so I assume that the bottoms will become irritating later on, causing her shuck them off and thus making her even more vulnerable to attack (something like combat masturbation probably...right Quatto?). To wit, this would be like lodging a short length of chain between one's cheeks...something I am quite sure is less than pleasant after about 30 minutes. She is wearing a giant glove and booties of some sort, but again the protection factor must be limited. And the bra is yet again a set of claws holding her boobage in place...but without the benefit of a clasp. Indeed, the claw bra must be adhesed to her foobies in some way, making removal of them by peeling them away from glued flesh most annoying I am sure.

Exhibit C:


Scary Evil Witch Queen Elf here is at least armored more than her predecessors. However, the look mis once again impractical. To begin, her midriff is exposed, allowing her to be stabbed or bludgeoned there easily. Further, her boots and gloves have big pointy flanges that look like they would cut her abs to ribbons anyway. In fact, you can see a trace of blood on her stomach on her left side. Next, her loin cloth is too long and thus increases the likelihood she';d step on it during combat, someone else would step on it, or she'd get it caught in something. However, the skull that sits on her belt is definitely not an invitation for hanky, panky, or spanky. It might give someone pause before trying to subdue her with their +5 weiner of colossal tunneling.

Ah, but fantasy is not the only genre of games that hs impractical chick armor. Sci-Fi has it's share as well.


Here we have a sexy stormtrooper recruiting poster seeking men and women, though likely men, to join the Imperial Army. Not too surprising and she's much easier in the visual receptors than Uncle Sam. However, let's look at her armor. Gun, helmet, legs, and arms are all covered. But the first glaring issue are the shoes. How are you supposed to storm a rebel cruiser and kill the hell out of everybody on board wearing 4 inch heels? And most glaringly is the lack of armor around the midsection. If Star Wars has taught me one thing it's that stormtroopers cannot shoot straight and they die in droves even with armor on. So either this is a cost saving measure, figuring she's gonna die anyway so let's save some credits on armor, or femtroopers are the elite tactical squad and have to wear very little because they are deadly accurate. Personally, I'd probably just use some Force Grope on her and then use the old Jedi mind trick to make her think I was cooler than I really am.

Sci-fi exhibit B:



Even the Halo game series (for the Xbox btw) has their share of fem-soldiers. Here's Master Chief Tori'i "Big Guns" McClooney showing us the latest in Halo wear for the femtrooper in the field. Like the example from above, she lacks a great deal of protection in the abs region, though at least she has some coverage in the area of the breasticles. Her helmet seems a bit too big and I am not sure if she's wearing pants or spandex hosiery under all that. And is that a belly-button ring? Might that not get caught on a grenade pin or something?

Well, that's all the time we have for today kids. Remember this: It's more important to look good than to feel protected when it comes to chick armors. Though some can actually pull off both.

Those Boxes Seem Strangely Familiar

Matt Damon Get His Revenge (racy language)

As many of my loyal readers might know, your favorite superhero (me) is a hollywood icon, having made some 15 movies and starring opposite the likes of Marcia Brady and Mike Tyson. My next film is slated to have a cameo by superspy Matt Damon.

Matt Damon is a scheduled guest on Jimmy Kimmel's talk show every night and every night he gets bumped at the end. After having confided his anger to your truly, I told him to try to work it all out with Kimmel's main squeeze Sara Silverman. Here's what happened: